YEP. THE SADISTS ARE STILL DESIGNING LAPTOPS LIKE THIS

There is apparently another USB port on my Lenovo that I have been unable to find for two years now.

I did accidentally find a deeply-recessed 2mm black button in the black bezel of the side panel though. Would need a surgical probe to operate it. No mention of it in the manual of course. I suspect it is a reset button for the Universe. Now doubt it only works if you simultaneously hit Control-Alt-Option-Command while breathing through your mouth and scratching your left buttock with your left big toe nail. on sale collections for red carpet

That would explain why the Universe is still functioning, I suppose ...